This quiet continues to astound me. If this is my new normal then it will take time to adjust to it. I’ve tried to recall any time in my life where I had experienced a quiet such as this and could only come up with times after returning from extreme adventures then going down to my favorite place by the piers, sitting and writing poetry while watching the seabirds diving into the water for fish.
Even then it wasn’t quiet, not quiet like this. Then, it was only quiet because it had been so loud around me, in the physical world for a long period of time. This quiet I am experiencing is both all around me and within me.
Going back to work for a short shift, I really didn’t seek to connect with anyone, yet I didn’t feel distant either. In a way, I just let the connection connect itself. In some ways, as I went through the time at work, I couldn’t help that seeing myself with my heart on a high hill stopping for a moment to look back at all we had crossed together from a different perspective.
The most interesting thing was that, throughout the journey, I had never felt like I was actually passing through battlefields. Yet, when I look back now, I can see scorched earth surrounded my beautiful meadows filled with wildflowers and wildlife running about or grazing on the grass. It certainly doesn’t look desolate, except toward the end, where a great battle was fought. As I looked here, there was little left standing.
It’s actually strange to be sitting in my apartment within this quiet. A place that, for me, has always been loud for the most part and even chaotic some of the time. Now, for the first time, it actually feels like something akin to what I could call home.
As I wandered my thoughts today, I found myself thinking about a new concept that started coming up a few days ago. Basically, it was reincarnation or having lived many lifetimes. The purpose being that of unifying ourselves with ourselves. Our lower selves to our higher selves. Within this, I saw that, at least in my case, one has to create their own reality in order to do this. Break free of the reality that has been created for us.
As I looked back at this reality that I supposedly created, in it I can see everything I would create if I were to create a reality. Even things that, if I were to contemplate it before this journey, I wouldn’t have thought of then. Yet, the creation of this reality reminded me of when I used to write stories. I never felt I was the actual author of the stories. They wrote themselves. I was merely the tool to bring them to the page. They passed through me as being channeled through me.
It is the same with this reality. I certainly don’t feel that I created it even though it contains everything I would want in a reality. I would say that it is the best that can be done under the circumstances because of the other reality that is going on around me. Yet, it came to me that this reality being created, it does actually affect that reality. It causes rifts within it. Weakens it. Maybe even causing a shift of some kind, similar to a temporal shift, opening up something within it that connects it to something else that is not physical per say, but more a shift in space and time. A shift in reality.
All while, I am sitting here, sipping tea from a cup, listening to Sara Bareilles, filling what was once a blank page with words to send out to connect through the physical network provided to us by technology. Completely unaware of anything like what I described as happening anywhere. Still, such a powerful experience that happened within me, knowing that I am connected to the whole of everything, well, I’m pretty sure that has some effect, if only a little, on the world around me of which I am more closely connected to in my everyday life.
Knowing that I certainly didn’t go through all of this alone. I had the support of legions of “angels,” as my heart once described them many years ago, long before this journey began. All those who were my influences throughout my life. Truth is, when I saw them all gathered together, their numbers were so great that I couldn’t see the end of them in the distance.
Were they all here just for me? Well, not really. They were here supporting the whole of everything as one aspect of the whole passed through something that brought me to becoming even more deeply connected to the whole of everything. They were here to celebrate this great experience, not for me as an individual but for what it means for the whole of everything.
I, still an individual, was able to experience just how insignificant I am as an individual and also experience the great power of us as a whole, being of the whole of everything. Connected to everything while living in the illusion of being separate and individual. Alone but never alone. Cared for and loved even during those times when we ourselves have caused ourselves to not feel the connection for some reason or other.
It’s interesting that the “god” that many people pray to, imagining in their minds a separate being or spirit that is omniscient and able to hear all of their prayers, Be with them at all times, with hope that it will intervene in their lives in some way, give them blessings where blessings seem to be lacking in their lives, that this “god” is actually their own selves. All the selves that are living now and all the selves that have long since left this physical existence in the form they were one in while here.
As I said in some of my previous posts, where I thanked a select few who had been a part of my life, one could see that some of them are living and some of them have long since left the form that they once were while they were here. The reason I couldn’t see the end of the mass gathering in the distance was because this mass gathering contained every individual representation of every aspect of the whole ever expressed, both alive today and those who no longer lived in their particular form of expression in this life. This is how not alone we all are in this life of the illusion of being individual.
Well, if this quiet is my new norm then it will take time to adjust to it but, even so, I am truly enjoying it right now. I guess it’s time for my heart and I to turn around on this high hill and continue our journey into the unknown, at least, unknown to me.