Life itself is an art because our expressions in this life, who we are, comes forth through the passion within us. The very root of who we are is our passion.
This can be seen in many aspects of the expressions of most all humans. In many ways, this is why some seek to control their passion, simply because it does go against the teachings of order and control. They also depict passion as being something that, if not controlled, is a monster that would run out of control, destroying everything in it’s path. Much like they depict anarchy as being something terrible and destructive when it is actually nothing more than breaking free of the reality imposed upon them.
Today, it seems my heart has given me some time to contemplate all that was realized yesterday. For the most part, my commitment to my heart, which is my dedication, devotion and love for the feminine, the goddess.
In some ways, all of this journey has been simply an enjoyable ride that I’ve been on, letting it carry me from adventure to adventure while gathering treasures along the way. In many ways, the realizations of yesterday made it into something more. Something rather serious and not just fun and games, though this will always be a part of it because it is a journey of joy, beauty and love which brings forth happiness and enjoyment to most everything in life.
I have taken time to look at what I do on a daily basis in relation to what could be termed as my “religion.” Everything I do has been given to me by my heart throughout this journey so as to increase the feminine energy within me. What I do is not to look more like a woman but to express the feminine within me.
This part I found interesting simply because most people look at the physical first and, in many cases, only the physical of another person they see. They don’t see that the true identity of themselves and others is within them, not who they seem to be on the outside or in the physical. Though, what they express in the physical may be representative of who they are within themselves.
I thought of devout and orthodox people of acknowledged religions, such as Judaism. They often wear their hair in a certain way. They where clothes specific to the expression of their beliefs. Some were prayer shawls. All of this they do to express their devotion and dedication to their “god” within the physical.
This is a powerful thing to do for their own spirituality because, just as I’ve said about my writing, these sorts of expressions in the physical make it more real within themselves.
My “belief” as it might be called, is very much a direct contrast to the ways of the world around me. It is very different and could be misinterpreted in many ways. As with what I experienced the other night as I watched images and listened to a narration of the deepest and most vulnerable aspects of myself within were openly expressed and even objectively analyzed and dissected, showing the inner workings of these things within me, mostly relating to my passion, the very essence of not only my writing but my spirituality and my expression as a whole to the physical.
Looking back on this experience, I can see all the places where I hold back in my outer expression, in a sense, fearing to express such vulnerable parts of me yet, within the experience, seeing that this seemingly vulnerable aspect of me, though possibly expressed differently in others, is within most all people. It is the root of their own passion and the expression of who they are within themselves to the physical world.
In many ways, this is the purpose of this physical existence. It is not to attain great physical wealth and power over others. It is simply to bring to life in a different way what we already are. To bring forth and paint our infinite selves, which are expressions of different aspects of the whole of everything, into the physical to, based on my previous description, to make they more real. More accurately, to expand the heart through this experience of merging the “spiritual” with the physical.
As all of this became more real and serious in a way, like I said before, it caused me to look at my expressions of my dedication and devotion the feminine, the goddess. It is at this point where I find myself hesitating. It is where, as I went through that experience while lying in bed, watching those images passing through my mind, where I said to my heart, “I will not write this.”
Well, in the form I was seeing it then, in a very raw form, maybe not. But to see the reasoning behind my hesitation helps me to understand this experience even more. In a sense, this experience was given to me to allow me to do as I’m doing now, contemplate and further understand the very essence of my dedication, devotion and love for the feminine. As well as the expression and further expansion of this aspect of whom I represent of the whole of everything.
From this simple description one can see how this devotion goes from me, the lower self, through my higher self and to the whole of everything. It is not just about me and the image I might portray to the world and how they might misinterpret my expression, which is all about me. My own fears of being judged by an unfair perspective based on a skewed and even false reality that has been imposed on humanity for the most part. Causing them to not be able to see these higher connections to their own expressions of who they are. Relating to themselves and others based only a a physical identity which is nothing more than a canvass, in a sense, an inanimate object that is used by their true selves to paint and express who they truly are within themselves. The expression of the aspects of the whole which they represent.
This is where being of one mind and one heart based solely on the physical expression leads to what can only be seen as control and even domination of the heart. Imprisoning the heart through not identifying themselves as their hearts, rather than as they do, their physical bodies.
No matter what we do or how we express ourselves in this physical world, whether real or false, we will always be of one mind and heart because we are all the whole. The heart of everything. What we express in this world is the fruit of the expression that either expands the heart of everything or does nothing but fall from the tree and rot on the ground, bearing nothing for the universal expansion of the heart of everything.
Wow! When thought of that way, our lives and the purpose of our lives is very important to not only ourselves but the whole of everything. Our expression affects everything, each and ever person and every being, not only here on Earth but throughout the heart of everything. Yet, most people see their existence as nothing more than this physical manifestation of which they honestly have no idea as to why they are here other than to simply live a life based solely on this physical existence even though, within them, often repressed deeply within them, in the most deep and vulnerable places within them, hidden away because they could cause them discomfort if expressed as their identity to the physical world around them based on the reality imposed upon them that falsely identifies theme and gives them their physical purpose.
Because of this, in many ways, humanity, living in this false reality of who they are, are not producing the best fruit for the heart of the whole to expand herself. In many ways, because of this infection of their conscious awareness, they have become a corrupt crop of fruit that has become nearly beyond any repair or cure. This is the hopelessness for humanity that my heart has shown me on many occasions. Though humanity may be in a hopeless state, which is a physical and therefore finite or temporary state of being, their hearts, or the aspect of the expression of the whole merely returned the heart of everything, to be again released and expressed into another physical existence so as to become vital fruit for the expansion of the heart of everything.
All of this is merely a summary of many things I’ve already written in the past, yet it connects to everything, including the very dedication and devotion of our passion or the heart and energy source of our expression into the physical world who we truly are within ourselves, this physical canvass known as a body.
It seems that going back over all of this relates to that of the fear of misinterpretation and the image of my open expression of the deeper aspects of my passion which is the very essence of my dedication, devotion and love for the feminine, the goddess.
With this grand introduction concluded, now I don’t know where to start. So I think I will take a pause here and see what forms while I do other things, like go to the grocery store.
The best way to begin seems to be to start with the outer expression and then show how it relates and and even expands the inner expression of the heart of everything.
When most people think of women, even women themselves, based on the physical reality, they are commonplace, making up more than 50% of the population. Combine this with their status in the society as a whole, which is still not as equals but not necessarily as truly second rate citizens, they are still seen as lesser than the male or masculine. Therefore, this too affects the expression of women upon the physical.
For me, women are far from commonplace. They are the very embodiment and expression of the feminine in the physical world. When I see the female form, no matter the age, shape or size of the form, I see the embodiment of the feminine energy. I see the goddess. To me, the female body is the alter of the goddess. To loosely use the word “worship” of which my heart doesn’t allow me to do, it is not the woman that I would “worship” or offer my devotion to. It is through the alter of the goddess that I express my devotion to the goddess and, in return, through which the feminine or goddess expresses herself physically as well as spiritually, through her energy to me.
Therefore, when I see parts of the female body, such as her breasts, I don’t see them as bags of flesh to be desired through the hunger of sexual desire. As bags to be fondled and played with, as well as the hunger of sexual desired expressed symbolically through suckling on them as if feeding upon them.
I see the female breasts as symbols of feminine energy and her power. When I see the shape of a woman’s breasts my mouth doesn’t water from the hunger of sexual desire, instead, I experience something that does come from the same root of passion but is felt as deep adoration for what they represent to me.
This is what I find interesting about sexual expression. Sexual expression is an expression of passion. When I think of masculine sexual passion, which I’ve experienced personally, it is a very outward expression of force. Where, from what I’ve experienced in the expression of feminine sexual passion, which is more passive, it goes inward and then is expressed through feelings and emotions rather than through force.
As with most things, the masculine expresses itself through outward force. To control and dominate it’s surroundings. It is based, for the most part, on the physical world where it seems to survive. In many ways, as I’ve described it before, it is the ego not the heart. In a sense, in the grander scheme of things, the heart of everything, the role of the masculine is rather limited. Other than fertilizing or inseminating the egg, it’s sole purpose is in protecting and defending the survival of the physical body.
This is there reason why humanity is in this current state of being. It is because it has given it’s complete dedication and devotion to the masculine, which is nothing more than the protector of the physical.
This is why it is said so often that women are often more spiritually focused than men. I know this is true from just simple observations. Just by going to a church on Sunday. The feminine is primarily “spiritual” energy. Which flows inward to the heart the heart and is then expressed through feelings and emotions rather than through force and control.
With all of this said, I will stop here and express my physical expression of what the female breasts mean to me and in increasing or expanding the feminine within me. Something that surprised me while going along on this journey was some of the things I started buying. Such as yoga pants, which I wear all the time except when I’m at work. I wear them under jeans when I go to the store. I have several pair and one very favorite more loose fitting yet still form fitting which are so comfortable. I have to buy more of these when I can simply because I will probably wear these pants out over time. I change to more tightly fitting yoga pants when I go out because they work better under jeans.
Other than when I go to work and possibly once warmer weather comes in, I do wear a simple sports bra. It’s not frilly or anything. All of this is not to look more like a woman but they are symbols of physical expression that increases or expands my feminine heart within me. Increases the feminine energy within me.
It is a bra with pads which can be removed, leaving pockets to place what really surprised me while I was buying things early in my journey. I place false breasts within these pockets. Not large ones.
I found it interesting when I was looking for these that many of the comments by other men were all about getting very large breasts. I don’t think larger ones express the feminine any more than smaller ones. For me, the 32B size was perfect. They were complaining that their were smaller than they expected. For me, what I got was a bit larger than I expected.
So, I do wear these all the time, except when I go to work. At first it seemed strange to me but now I is simply a part of my life. Again, not to look like a woman but they, like female breasts in general, are a symbol of the feminine energy and power. Believe me when I say that they do give me this in many ways. Even to the point now where I hate having to take them off for long periods of time like going to work. In a way, I feel unprotected when I take them off. Sort of like how some people feel about their own spiritual wear, such a garments for Mormons.
I wear simple shirts over them. Form fitting shirts like my favorites which are nothing more than long sleeved underscrub shirts and t shirts. I just love these shirts. They are so soft and comfortable and yet they too expand the feminine energy within me while wearing them as an expression of the feminine heart within me. I also love the colors.
I don’t wear make up nor do I want to wear a wig. Again, it has nothing to do with looking like a woman. I know I’m in a man’s body that, no matter what I do to it, will not look pretty in any way. Yet, I still soften it’s skin with my sacred oil and I scent it with essential oils. I shave the hair from the legs, chest and back. All symbols of dedication and devotion to the feminine, the goddess, which I see as nothing different than what Paul did in shaving the top of his head, causing others to do it later as symbol of devotion to what they believed in.
As for the female genitals. I don’t see them as a warm hole in which to thrust and inject my desire into the female body while fondling her breasts and other parts of her body to further arouse my sexual hunger for her.
I see the female genitals of the as the expression of life and the creation of life. The entryway or gateway of physical life as well as the expression of the creation and birth of life in the universe as a whole. Through the force and action of the masculine, the feminine gives birth to all creation. This is a truly sacred symbol. Again, for most, it’s as commonplace as women themselves. There is nothing special about them and, for many women, it is nothing but a pain many times.
Again, for me, this is not something I take lightly. The female genitals are the expression of something much higher than this simple physical expression. In many ways, where the female breasts are the symbolic expression of feminine energy and power, the female genitals represent the source of this energy.
Here, if given the opportunity, is not a place in which I would recklessly and hungrily thrust myself into, though it is necessary for natural insemination. It is a place which, for me, is the very heart of the alter of the feminine. The very heart of my dedication, devotion and love for the feminine, the goddess. It is also the place in which I can offer myself and give myself the pleasure I so enjoy through giving pleasure to another, in which I can give pleasure to the goddess through the alter of the physical body. Not only through the female genitals but through the whole of the alter of the goddess.
Thus, for me, sexual intimacy with a woman is one of the highest of spiritual rituals. One where the woman might feel that it is she that I am offering my complete devotion to within this ritual but, in all reality, she is vessel for which I am expressing my complete dedication, devotion and love for the feminine, the goddess.
As for me, because of this reverence for the female body, I have little regard for that of the masculine, such as the phallus. It doesn’t represent strength or power. It is merely the expression of brute physical force. A force not derived from the heart but solely from the physical. Not as a higher expression of devotion but as merely a tool in the act of birth and creation both of the physical and the spiritual of which the feminine represents.
Thus to, in a sense, humiliate this part of me, I wear soft boyshort women’s panties with a size smaller women’s compression athletic short to, well, compress this aspect down and keep it in place. This very much helps to expand the feminine within me because the times I have gone without these shorts I can again feel the masculine within me begin to seek dominance and control. Thus, as strange this this might seem to most, it is vital to increasing the feminine energy within me and thus increasing this power within me which, in turn, fills me with a constant source of love and peace within me as well as giving me all the rewards that I receive, such as the visions and, most of all the passion in which to express this to the world through my writing and in other ways.
Wow! All of this is nearly the opposite of everything that is perceived in this current reality. In fact, it is in complete contrast. Yet, it is the true expression within me being express upon the physical body.
Well, I didn’t get a chance to go even deeper to the root of the passion. Expressing this part of it does help me in feeling more free to express it even deeper. Yet, it will have to be in another post another time for I’ve certainly exceeded any acceptable word count for this post. Plus, I need to do some other things.