As I wake up today, I can’t help but think about what happened to me yesterday. I think about the things I wrote about and posted. That even I feel like it was completely unreal, yet it was very real. I myself can’t deny it. I was there. It happened. I almost feel dizzy this morning from the experiences yesterday.
As I put aside those feelings and look at the experiences, I can’t help but see how both the masculine and the feminine energies were very alive within me yesterday. Both working together within me, in harmony. They each expressed themselves when it was necessary for them to become more dominant than the other. Yet, they worked together, supporting each other. I believe it is why I never felt insecure or questioning any of the actions that occurred.
Looking even deeper at the experienced, I can’t help but see that these experiences were nothing more than what I’ve experienced and written about throughout this journey. They were powerful before but not as powerful as what I experienced yesterday. I think this is because what I experienced before were both, under a controlled environment and also they were to show me the progressively the true potential of the heart.
It also revealed to me that the heart, even though it has shown me that the state of humanity is hopeless, it doesn’t stop interacting with life. As if it has given up and walks away from humanity. It revealed to me that is limited. Limited by one thing. The power of choice. It can affect the hearts of others but it can’t change the hearts of others. Only they can change their hearts through their choice.
When the heart finds a person in despair in life, it can offer a sense of relief, though temporary. Yet, this temporary relief can remind people of their hearts. Of who they truly are beyond their feelings of differences and even oppression in this life. This reminder can affect their choices over time. It takes this happening to them many times, just as it happened to me while I was going through the darkest times of my life. For some reason, at those points where I had completely given up, a voice came and gave me enough strength through love to allow me to carry on into the next day.
I can recall many of these experiences where I would hear a voice say, “You are so loved. So many are here behind you, loving you. You are very beautiful.” I believe that it wasn’t until I was in these places of deepest darkness where my heart opened enough to be able to receive these messages.
Thinking further about this, I realized that we may very well already be in the midst of the battle, the war, that had been prophesied in many of the ancient texts. The reason this thought comes up is because of the immense pressure I feel as the heart works through me. And, in how it is described within me as more of a battle between the masculine and the feminine energies. This great “Armageddon” is more a psychic war than a physical war though, in time, might reveal itself as a physical war. The physical “Armageddon.”
I have described in my posts, how the powerful, white, masculine dominated energy is seeking dominion over the physical world. It has been doing in this throughout our known history. A history that actually begins after the great flood. In many ways, those interpretations of what happened before the flood are the most different than those after the flood. They are still different between cultures and areas of the world where the ancient texts were written and experienced. Some depict life before the flood as when the world was given to the masculine energy to dominate the world. Others see a more harmonious time. It seems the latter became the most prominent energy of the world after the flood.
In some ways, the ancient texts became corrupted at the time when these were written. I can’t help but see that, what became the direction of “light’ actually became the direction of darkness. Just as how the message of Jesus, which is rooted in the earlier stories, was also corrupted. Once a message of light, it became a message of darkness used to exploit and use humanity rather than free humanity.
Now, in this time, I can see how the feminine energy is not revealing itself as an actual force. As I’ve learned from it, it is not out to destroy the masculine, as the masculine seeks to destroy the feminine. The feminine merely seeks to bring the masculine back into harmony. I can say from both experience and study, love doesn’t not originate from the masculine alone. Love can only exist when the masculine and the feminine are working together, supporting each other. They are a relationship whose offspring is love.
I don’t see much love in this world right now. It appears like rare gems amid all the other things happening. Such as when a manager is touched by the experiences of one of their employees where they set aside the ambitions of the company and take that time to help that person.
It happens at times. When this happens we see both the masculine and the feminine working together. Both the compassion and caring of the feminine and the action of the masculine resulting in bringing about a loving action to the employee.
The reason that people seek to take advantage of these experiences and even exploit them is because they are so rare. So many people in this world are aching for love. They will get it anyway they can. They do some of the strangest things just to feel love in some way. It’s all because we are ruled by the masculine who can’t express love, yet the feminine still exists.
I always find it interesting how they call people who care as “bleeding hearts.” As if it is something bad. In most occasions it is okay for a woman to act more like a man than it is for a man to act more like a woman.
I’ve also noticed that the possible reason behind some women acting more like men is not so much that they feel more like men, though they might cause themselves to feel it. It is because they don’t like being the objects of desire for men. If they look more like men then they aren’t constantly being stared at and pursued my men. I say this about some women in this situation, not all women.
I saw a woman on the bus yesterday. She had on big black boots, military type pants, a flannel shirt and a camouflage cap. Yet, under the cap her hair, though short, was styled nicely, with earrings in her ears and she had beautiful, rather feminine skin. What I saw was a woman simply dressing like a man, not being a man.
Now, I have experienced women who are very much like men. Like, not so much the masculine energy but the masculine physical trait is more dominant in them. So they express this trait.
In some ways, I can see becoming a lesbian as being more a result of wanting to get away from the masculine, both in the physical and in the energy. They can then experience a more harmonious experience of being in a relationship with both the masculine and feminine energies rather than being dominated by the masculine energy. Seen as nothing more than an object of control and desire of the masculine.
As I observe myself out in the greater world, the traits of my heart are more pronounced, just as the forces within me are more pronounced and powerful out in the greater world. I can see both masculine and feminine features in how I interact with others and it how I present myself through my physical image. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable when I see myself sitting in what could be viewed as a more feminine way when other men are around. When I realize it I instantly think, “Change postions or they will think I’m gay.” Or, when I’m talking in a more animate or expressive way, I find myself thinking, “Be more controlled. More refined. Don’t express yourself so freely.”
I heard this even in the teacher, who in a personal conversation, says she will often teach with her hands in her pockets so as to not be so expressive or, as she expressed it, not show her “nervous” energy. Expression in such a way has been taught to us as being nervous or unprofessional. The expression of emotion is seen as unprofessional. The entire image of being “professional” is based upon the cold, masculine energy. Something that causes women to have to repress who they truly are in order to act within a world dominated by the masculine energy.
Just from these simple experiences, I can see the war for our hearts, our souls, being fought right now as the feminine energy comes to reveal itself as a “threat” to the masculine rule of the world. It’s dominion of the world.
This in itself reveals the “evil” in the world as simply the world being out of balance. Out of harmony with itself. The masculine energy will not give up without a fight. A fight that we will continue to feel within us, especially in people like me where the heart is beginning to express iself more fully as it really is, both masculine and feminine. I feel a constant pressure. A pressure that has gotten worse since I entered the greater world. Yet, I feel the powerful shield of the feminine and masculine around me, protecting me as I go out into the battlefield. Not as a warrior seeking to conquer or dominate the world, as has become the definition of “warrior.” It is as a true warrior, expressing love through a harmonious joining of both the masculine and feminine energies within me. A warrior who, though I’m still struggling with it at times because it is new to me, is beginning to express myself as who I truly am to the world.
When I feel discomfort or fear in expressing how I am, whether in how I might be sitting or acting, my heart simply says, “Don’t stop expressing your true self. There is nothing to be afraid of. They might mock you but that means nothing. They are merely mocking and judging themselves.”
When I hear this I remember the experiences of judgement and worry that my heart took me through just before it brought me out into the greater world. I can’t help but realize that all of our concerns about how others might view us are so worthless. They only show how we are controlled by the masculine energy. How it has affected us in so many ways in our lives. Causing us to be afraid of anything other than how it wants us to be. Any differences within us or physically expressed are open to condemnation and mockery so as to further repress the heart and, if they could, destroy the heart. Destroy the feminine energy. Destroy any thing that leads to balance and harmony within the world.
This is the sole purpose of the “evil” in the world. Something that first began when humans were told to go out and have dominion over the world and all it’s beings. This, in my opinion, was the creation of the “evil” that is now ripe to be plucked from the soil and cast into the fire. Thus, the battle for our hearts, our souls, is now at it’s climax, though most believe this war still doesn’t exist because it isn’t a physical war where Jesus is riding some horse or chariot down from heaven with trumpets blasting, out to save those who have been dedicated to the masculine influenced belief system and save them from this madness of battle between the masculine and the feminine energies. To a world, a reality, where only the masculine rules.
The irony to this is that the masculine cannot exist without the feminine. Without the feminine the masculine would simply become nothing, fading away into, what they describe in their own texts, as outer darkness, meaninglessness, hopelessness, and despair.
Wait a minute, aren’t these things that many people are experiencing right now. So, it seems their heaven is already on earth, yet it can’t exist without the feminine. And the feminine is out to balance and bring back into harmony the masculine, disrupting their goals of a masculine dominated heaven. Thus, the battle we are now experiencing.